I got these from my website but i can't remember where i got them from in the first place... I think it was the other Joke thread.
adrinakellers.tk Wrote:two sausages sitting in a pan,
one says 'hello'
the other says 'AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!, a talking sausage!'
Doctor: I have good news and bad news.
Patient: Go with the good news first.
Doctor: You have 24 hours to live.
Patient: What!?! How about the bad news?
Doctor: Um... I forgot to tell you yesterday.
There are three people playing golf. Moses, Jesus and an old man. It was Moses' turn to tee off and he ploomp right into the water. Moses said "No problem there." He walked over to the water speard his arms the the water parted and he shot in the hole for a birdie. (Par three by the way forgot to mention.) Anyway, it was Jesus's turn to tee off. He hits it staight into a tree and it lands and stays on a hight branch. Jesus walks over and the branch lowers to the ground and Jesus hits it in for a birdie. Well now its the ld guys turn to hit. He is slow walking, meek, and a little crippled. Well he sliced it good and straight into the water. Just then a fish eats the ball, goes to the surfice and spits it out. A low flying bird caught it in its tallons and drops it into the hole for 1. Well Moses turns to Jesus and says, "thats the last time I play with u and your old man."
three blondes walked into a bar
you'd think one of them would of seen it.
i might have posted the sausage one, cant remember now
A man is sitting at a table in the pub,looking really sad.In walks a biker who goes over to the mans table.The biker proceeds to down the mans beer and slaps him around the head."What are you gonna do about that"the biker says."Nothing"the man replies "i should have known something like this would happen today.My wife kicked me out this morning,i crash the car while driving to work,so the boss fires me.And now you've gone and drank my last dose of arsenic."
Q:What do you get if you cross a fridge with a stereo?
A:Cool Music!!!
This thread is really the same as the other joke thread, so I'll merge 'em. The title will be "Jokes thread".
5 Things for a Scotsman to be proud about
1. You arn't English
2. You arn't English
3. You arn't English
4. You arn't English
5. You arn't English
Q. How many scotsmen dous it take to change a lightbulb
A. 1,000,000. 1 To change the lightbulb and 999,999
to blame all of lifes problems on the english
My apologies if i afend and schotish people (with my spelling or bad jokes)
i love schotland, i really do. It rules :S
eat a crap koke
whats big green and brown and would kill you if it fell out of a tree
a snooker table
............
........................
........................
cue tumble weed and cricket noises
How Many soundmen does it take to change a lightbulb?
1...2...3...1...2...3
What does a Pirate always want?
Some "r" and "r"
EDIT:-
A Rabbi wakes up one morning and looks out the window. He says "ah it is such a nice day that i think that i will play some golf, have a shower and then go to the Synagauge." So he goes to play golf. The angels of heaven notice and say to god "Look at that rabbi down there. He is playing golf on the Sabbath. Punish him God." So the next hole the Rabbi gets a Hole in one. The Angels go "God i thought u were gonna punish him." God says "I have. He's just got a Hole in one... Who's he gonna Tell???
Funny
David Beckham decides to go horse riding, although he has no previous
experience he skilfully mounts the horse and appears in complete command
as the horse gallops along at a steady pace
Victoria watches admiringly.
After a while David becomes a little too casual and begins to lose his
grip in the saddle, he panics, grabs the horse round its neck and calls
for it to stop.
Victoria screams and shouts for someone to help.
David slips completely out of the saddle and is only saved from hitting
the ground because he is still clutching the horse's neck.
David decides his best chance is to leap away but a foot becomes
entangled in the stirrup.
David's head is now banging along the ground and he is slipping into
unconsciousness, Victoria is frantic and screaming!
Hearing her screams, the Tesco Security guard comes out of the store and
unplugs the horse
(OOPSSS... Just realised: double post...sorry although i'm sure it wasn't when i posted