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Finally, My PSO Fan-fic - Kisanzi - 12-03-2005
I've been holding back on posting a fic here until I really had the time to sit and work it out in my head and finally that time has been granted to me. So without further delay I will begin my PSO fan-fic. Please note that I am very serious when it comes to my writing, but that aside I am also very open to suggestions and crticism. So if you have any thoughts or opinions for me, then feel free to voice them. I am always looking for helpful comments that will further my writing technique.
Shadows of Ragol (working title)
âWe know nothing of what dwells in the darkness of our minds. Whether angels or demons remain masked behind a dark curtain of ignorance. For even if we search deep, we would still be unable to navigate the labyrinth of human thought. But if you were to find yourself a trail of breadcrumbs, would you really want to follow it to see what lurks deeper into your memories? Would you be brave enough to stare into the emptiness of the demonâs eyes before it devoured you? Or would you prefer to leave the beast to sleep, always hoping that it never awakens and finds itâs way to what you cherish most? It makes no difference either way for the decision is not yours to make, it is one to be decided by fate and all of itâs agents of irony. All you can do is pray that fate doesnât bestow itâs trademark sense of humor upon your judgment...â
Keijiâs eyes burst open as the ominous voice finished its monologue. His face glistened with dripping sweat as he quickly sat up in his bed. He wiped away the stinging perspiration from his eyes and buried his face in his hands.
âA dream?! Thank god...It was all just a dream. Just an illusion, nothing more.â
Keiji lay back down and began to try and remember back three days, to when his body was recovered from the surface of Ragol. The nurses had said that his body was found badly wounded, but he had no memory of ever traversing the dangerous wilds of the planet. He only retained the memory of his name and that he was a passenger aboard the colonization ship, Pioneer 2. No one knew how long he had been down on the surface or the reason that his distress beacon never activated after his attack. Keiji dawdled on these futile thoughts for a few more minutes, then fell back asleep.
He awoke the next morning to the sound of whimpering. His eyes peeled open, blurring the sight of the sickbay ceiling into view. His attention then averted to the bed across the room from him. He saw nothing but a small lump in the blanket, shaking with the sound of itâs own cries. Keiji hauled his sore body out of bed and cautiously walked over to the trembling sheets. In one quick motion he flung the covers away to reveal a set of tear-filled green eyes. Beneath the sheets lay a sobbing girl, robbed in a forceâs garments. Her long, purple hair scattered across the tear soaked pillow as she attempted to muffle her cries.
âNow whatâs all the noise over here about?â Keiji asked with a forgiving grin on his face.
âI...I...I got hurt again. I donât like the mean animals down on Ragol. They have no idea how fragile I am!â
Keiji immediately broke into laughter at the girlâs words. She gave a confused look for a few moments and then joined him in the hysterics.
âThank you! That was a much needed laugh.â mumbled Keiji between gasping for air and laughing.
âYouâre very welcome! Please feel free to let me know if you wish to hear anymore of my whining. Iâve got a lot more where that came from.â responded the girl as she calmed her laughter.
âItâs nice to meet you, my nameâs Keijiâ
âIâm happy to make your acquaintance Keiji, they call me Yurimi, the beauty with the pink Foie.â
Keijiâs face straightened with bewilderment. âYou can really cast a pink ball of Foie?â Yurimi began giggling uncontrollably at Keiji's question.
âOf course I canât, that's impossible! Youâre too cute! Maybe a little gullible, but I like you.â
âGullible am I? Well at least I donât have a fighting problem and purple hair.â Yurimi's face curled with childish anger at Keiji's comment.
âWell at least my hair is well kept, unlike that green mop that you call hair.â Keiji raised his hand and inspected his hair to find what felt like a terrible case of bed hair. His expression saddened and he rushed into the bathroom to view a mirror. He stared at his reflection as if he had never seen it before in his life. Keiji softly touched his short, green hair making his way down to the facial features. He closely inspected the young man he saw in the mirror, as a child would inspect a new toy for the first time. The more he looked at himself the more haunting his thoughts became.
âIâve never seen this person before...I mean, myself. I canât remember if this is what I looked like before. Is this who I am?â The realization of his drastic memory loss gave Keiji a violent shock. He shook with fear as he desperately tried to remember anything about himself before the attack. But his efforts turned up fruitless, he could recall nothing. Yurimi peeked around the corner with a frightened sense of curiosity in her eyes.
âWhatâs the matter Keiji? Are you ok?â Keiji continued to stare at his reflection, thinking of how he could answer her question.
âYes...Iâm ok. Just scared myself for a second...I thought I felt a big lump on my head.â Keiji answered, followed by a false laugh.
âWell...thatâs goodâ answered Yurimi with a confused smile as she went back to their room.
âIâm ok...but who am I?â Keiji whispered to himself as he began walking back with Yurimi.
*End of Section*
Finally, My PSO Fan-fic - Kashima - 12-03-2005
very deep and physcological making it very different from every other pso fanfic ive ever seen i think this will be the most revered out of all the fanfics that have been posted on this site i eagerly await the next chapters
Finally, My PSO Fan-fic - Hayami - 12-03-2005
WOOOO!!
this fanfic was great!! and also keiji is in it..never thought about it!! and thank you for taking keiji in the story!
yurimi was also kinda funny...a pink foie? lol
i await the next chapter of it! keep it up <(^.^)>
one more thing.. your description in the creative area was great!
Finally, My PSO Fan-fic - Karasu Murder - 12-03-2005
Ana amazing start so far. I absolutely love the monologue at the beginning, it was nice to have your story start like that. There were two times when I thought it got a bit awkward, but they still work in the fic, if that makes sense. I'm not quite sure why the force girl went from crying to laughing so quickly (that's probably something I missed ^^; ), so I'd like to see a little more about that.
You have a strong sense of character with this fic so far. Again, very nice opening and plot setup, I'm eager to see more of this soon ^_^
Finally, My PSO Fan-fic - Kisanzi - 13-03-2005
Kashima - Thank you and I plan to make this fic a lot deeper than most that you might of read.
Hayami - I'm glad that you like it so far. Thanks!
Karasu Murder - I agree. After reviewing what I wrote numerous times there are a few parts that come off awkward. I apologize, but I'll make it up to you because I've got some very crafty plot and forensic ideas for the next sections.
*Next section*
As the two re-entered the room they were greeted by one of the nurses who was cleaning up for the next patients."Well it looks like you two are fully healed. You can collect your belongings on your way out. Be careful out there!" Keiji and Yurimi both thanked the nurse for her help and proceeded to the reception desk. As they came to the desk neither said a word. Keiji's mind still lingered on his identity and Yurimi chose not to bother him until the serious look on his face had gone away. They were soon greeted by another nurse who checked them out of the ward and returned their belongings. Since the nurses had to remove Keiji's armor to treat his wounds, she directed Keiji to a nearby dressing room to remove his scrubs and change into his equipment.
Keiji entered the small room and waited until the door had shut behind him. He placed the box on the small bench in front of him and began rumiging through it's contents. He found a grey and blue battle suit, a crude photon shield and a retracted twin brand. As Keiji observed "his" belongings a slight sense of familiarity swept across him.
"So these were mine? I recall their purposes and identities, but I can't remember ever using them." Shrugging off his insecure thoughts he put on the battle suit, clipped the shield around his wrist and snapped the twin brand handle to his side. He gave a short glance at the mirror behind him and then exited the changing room. Yurimi stood outside, her back leaning against the desk as she figited with her fingers. She looked up at Keiji's face and saw that his gloomy look had somewhat lifted.
"You're looking pretty sharp there Keiji." she remarked with a sarcastic grin. Keiji's expression slowly changed to a smile as he saw the look on Yurimi's face.
"Thank you." he calmly replied. Yurimi then began to giggle quietly as she exited the hospital.
Once outside Keiji stopped for a second and gave a look around. He surveyed the vast stretches of city that trailed through Pioneer 2. Small crafts soared through the narrow, neon lit alleyways overhead and all around dozens of Hunters could be seen. It was this sight that had alerted him to his situation; he remembered everything about Pioneer 2, Ragol and Hunters. The only thing that remained a mystery was his identity.
"You gonna stand there or are we gonna go buy us some supplies?" Yurimi said while landing a hard slap on Keiji's back.
"Supplies for what?"
"Well if want to go down to Ragol unprepared then be my guest. I on the other hand lost my staff in my last battle and I need to get a new one. So do you wanna come with me or just stand here look lost?" Keiji decided to accompany Yurimi due to the inviting look in her eyes. As they walked to the shops Keiji saw the storage bank across the walkway.
"Hey Yurimi! I'm going to check my storage. When I'm done I'll join you." Yurimi's expression drooped into a frown as she gave a dissappointed nod and walked over to the shops alone. Keiji proceeded to the bank and was politely greeted by the clerk.
"Your name and Hunter's registration sir?"
"Keiji...ummm...as for my registration..." Keiji hesitated for a while as he tried to concentrate and recall his registration number. "I seem to have forgotten my registration number...is there anyway you can look it up for me?"
"You forgot your registration number? That's very unfortunate, but I can't disclose that kind of information to you without proper identification. If you need to re-issue it then just put in a request at the guild and they will process it in about two weeks. Is there anything else I can help you with?"
"No...nevermind."
Keiji walked away from the counter filled with disappointment, racking his brain for any clues to his forgotten past. As he neared the shops he saw Yurimi exiting with a large grin on her face and a blue-tipped staff in her hands.
"So what do you think, does it go well with my robes?" Keiji swallowed his depression before replying, knowing that if he told Yurimi of his situation it might push away the only person that he has met since awakening.
"It makes you look very cute Yurimi." A blush spread across Yurimi's face as a reaction to Keiji's comment. She then grabbed his arm and lead him in the direction of the main teleporter.
"C'mon silly. We've got to go down to Ragol and payback that Booma that picked on me. And with you escorting me I'm sure we'll be able to teach him a lesson he won't forget."
"Escorting you? When did I agree to that?" Yurimi held his arm tighter as she dashed into the teleporter.
"You didn't. I'm recruiting you." Instantly a strong light engulfed the two and they vanished from the teleportation pad.
***
As the temporary blindness faded from his eyes, the sight of lush trees and blue skies focused into view. Streaks of sunlight broke through the leaves of a tree towering overhead, speckling Keiji and Yurimi with blotches of light and shadows. All around the soft sound of flowing water could be heard accompanied by the distant hum of the automated security doors. After shaking away the astonishment of the surroundings, Keiji withdrew the Twin Brand hilt from his side and retracted the blades. The photon of the blade crackled as it took shape, eminating a deep blue glow. Keiji brought one of the blades to his face and stared into the beam as if he was trying to inspect the edge for imperfections. He then twirled the weapon in a quick sequence of swordplay, relieving any doubts that this was his weapon of choice. Upon completing his demonstration, Yurimi teased him by giving him a round of applause.
"All warmed up now?" she asked with a smirk of admiration.
"I was getting the feel of the weapon again, to make sure I'm not rusty."
"Well, compared to the hunters I've seen I'd have to say that your still sharp as a razor. Shall we be going?" Keiji gave a nod in agreement and the two passed through the first set of security doors.
After running through the doors Keiji stood toe to toe with a group of boomas. He spun himself into a series of horizontal slashes and kicks, dispatching the creatures with uncanny speed and precision. Yurimi stood in the doorway admiring the unexpected skill that Keiji exibited. As he ran further into the clearing he was met with a larger group of boomas and again began fighting with an immense amount of combat ability. As he cleaved his way through the hordes of growling creatures, Keiji's mind grew silent. All he could hear was the hum and resonance of his twin slicing through the air accompaned by the screech of the animals falling victim to his assualt. His vision then began to blur and soon he did not even see the beasts that he was fighting, but rather an image of a more disturbing nature. The moaning of the wildlife echoed as human screams in his ears. The forest melted into a vast plane laden with smoke and bodies. Keiji ceased his attack and lost himself in the suffering that stood before him. Animal and man both lay at his feet, maimed and burned, terror in their eyes. The screams grew louder the longer that he stared at the tragedy in front of him. Suddenly the vision was broken by soaring ball of Foie that rushed by his head, slightly singing his hair. He turned around to find himself back in the forest with Yurimi standing in front of him. Her staff still pointed at the booma corpse that lay at his side.
"If you think you're cool by posing there, you're not!" shouted Yurimi in a concerned tone.
"What just happened?" A look of fear struck Keiji's face as he stood frozen in confusion from what he had just saw.
"Are you alright Keiji?" Yurimi began to worry as Keiji clasped one hand over his face, still frozen with shock. "Keiji...?"
Finally, My PSO Fan-fic - Karasu Murder - 13-03-2005
Well done. Very well done. You have some awesome use of description in this story, everything is incredibly vivid and detailed (Always good for a story ^^). In any case, I can't really say there's anything I would change. I'm eager to read more and find out just what happened. I like how you're playing off his insecurity at the lack of memories, I'm eager to see what happens next ^__^
Finally, My PSO Fan-fic - Hayami - 13-03-2005
Ok..This fanfic is the besat fanfic i've read so far actually!
but dz's and dm's fanfics isn't so far behind...
and the last part was sooooooooooooo cooooool!!!
but i have one question!
is keiji a HUmar or a FOmar?
because FOmars can't use twin brand? or can they???!!!
but anyway! GREATO FANFICO!!!!! KEEP IT UP!! WOOT WOOT!!
Finally, My PSO Fan-fic - Kisanzi - 17-03-2005
Karasu & Hayami - Thank you for the encouragement and opinions. I apologize it took a few days, but here's the next section.
*Next Section*
Before Yurimi could voice her next question, the security doors nearest to them began to open. The large, metal doors slid aside revealing a bloodied ranger. His left hand was clasped on his blood-stained shoulder and his battle suit was laden with tears and scars. Yurimiâs eyes widened in horror as she viewed the rangerâs extensive wounds. Keiji took one look at the man and instantly an agitated feeling of rage built up inside him. He rushed over to the man putting his arm under one shoulder, trying to help him stand.
âWhat in godâs name happened to you?!â The ranger took a number of wheezy breathes before answering.
âThereâs so many of them...where did they come from? My friends and comrades...all suffering...all dieing...help them. I cannot...â After whispering those few words the ranger submitted to his wounds and lost consciousness. Keijiâs rage began burning inside him as the rangerâs limp body dangled off his shoulder. Without saying a word he set the rescue coordinates and teleported the ranger back to Pioneer 2. As the last glimpse of the beaten ranger disappeared in a glimmer of light Keiji clutched his twin tightly in his fist.
âYurimi, I know you might be scared but I must find what did this and help anyone else who might still be alive. This degree of savagery is inexcusable for any living thing; man or beast. Iâm going on ahead to help anyone else who might still be alive and to punish the evil that did this. Follow me if you...â Keijiâs words were halted as Yurimi grabbed his hand tightly. He looked down to find her face dripping with tears, but behind those tears were eyes filled with the compassion to help anyone else in need. Keiji gave a quick nod of assurance and dashed through the security doors with Yurimi in tow.
They followed the trail of bloodstains and limping footprints until they stood before a security door tattooed with bloody handprints. Yurimi whimpered in fear as she began to tremble uncontrollably at the heinous sight. Suddenly an ear-splitting howl came from beyond the door, followed by a series of growls and barks. Keiji held his twin tighter, trying desperately to mask his fear and control his anger. He took a deep breath as he caught a glimpse of Yurimi out of the corner of his eye. Her hands were tightly wrapped around her staff and she bowed her head to hide her scared expression.
âIâm going.â Keiji didnât wait for a response to his words as he immediately sprinted through the security doors with his twin now armed.
As the blindness of the sun faded from his eyes Keiji bore witness to a horrific landscape. Throughout the vast room dozens of wolves could be seen. Their claws painted with blood and their eyes glowed with a supernatural purple gleam. Beyond the thick sight of the wolves, Keiji could see a number of bodies lying on the ground, some of them still trying to desperately crawl to safety. The wolves soon turned their attention to the new addition to their hunt that stood at the foot of the room. Their eyes emitted quick flashes of demonic animosity before they began to rush their new prey. Keiji quickly took a lower stance and cleaved the first wolf into two with one swift blow. After the first wolf had fallen all the others in the rooms encroached on Keijiâs position. Suddenly Keiji was simultaneously rushed by numerous wolves. In almost a blinding speed he swung his twin a spiraling pattern, shredding the many aggressors with the blurred edge of his weapon. The wolves now attacked relentlessly in full force as Keiji fought to exterminate every last one of them.
Meanwhile, Yurimi still stood before the security doors only bearing witness to the cacophony of photon slashes and animal grunts. She squinted her eyes tightly in an attempt to gather enough strength to shake her paralyzing fear and enter the room. She grasped her staff even tighter as if she was mentally battling with the fear in the recesses of her mind. Suddenly her eyes snapped open as her thoughts found their way to the smiling face of a young man in a lab coat. The fear in her thoughts quickly dissipated and she was now filled with a new sense of courage and determination. As the last bit of fear faded away, Yurimi gave a yell and ran into the room to join Keiji. As she entered she saw what looked like a wave of wolves crashing one after another against Keijiâs tornado like swings. She could barely even make out his figure with the masses of wolves trying to pounce upon him. She had to do something quickly to help relieve Keiji of the hordes of attacking wolves.
âKeiji, Iâm gonna help!â Soon after shouting Yurimi cast a shower of Gibarta onto the closest mass of wolves. The beasts reared back in freezing pain, shivering and whimpering from the spell. As the effect wore off they shook away the frost from their bodies and changed their attention over to Yurimi. In her attempt to help Yurimi had succeeded in relieving Keijiâs massive burden, but she had attracted too many for her to handle. A group of seven wolves slowly crept towards her, bearing their ivory fangs prepared to devour the bothersome pest that disrupted their battle. Yurimi pointed her staff and another eruption of ice spewed from itâs tip. She had caught most of the wolves with itâs effect, but one quickly dodged and bolted towards her with immense speed. Yurimi screamed as she attempted to cast another spell before the beast was upon her, but it was too late. The wolf piled into her at full force knocking her back several feet. She grunted in pain as she tried to get back to her feet. But again the wolf darted into her, knocking her to the ground again. Weakened and injured, Yurimi tried to drag herself to the security door to escape the wolfâs onslaught but she was stopped just feet from the door as the wolf bit into her leg and dragged her back. She shrieked in pain as the wolf now loomed over her, ready to finish itâs attack.
The loud screams of Yurimi met caught Keijiâs attention. Through the swarm of wolves he caught a glimpse of her situation. He saw the wolf perched on top of her and her arms and legs swinging wildly in a desperate attempt to free herself. Her screams grew louder as the wolf lowered itâs head and prepared to bite into her throat. Keiji was filled with desperation as he attempted to free himself from combat to go to Yurimiâs aid. But no matter how hard he fought to clear away the barrage of hostile wildlife, he couldnât clear even the slightest path to Yurimi. Keijiâs mind now echoed with panicking thoughts realizing that Yurimi was about to die in front of his very eyes. He shouted to Yurimi in fear of what was about to happen.
âYurimi! Get up! Yurimi!!!â
âI canât! Please help me Keiji! Oh god please help me!â Yurimiâs screams then trailed off into cries of desperation and anguish.
Suddenly, something inside Keiji snapped. His eyes pressed shut as his body stiffened with a rage that gave birth to an unknown power. His eyes now reopened revealing a dark shade of purple rather than his normal blue eye color. His hair quickly faded to a dark black and a devilish grin crept across his lips. Without warning, a massive shockwave of wind shot out in all directions from Keiji, violently hurling the hordes of wolves hundreds of feet away. The surrounding environment was flattened as the shockwave grew larger and began to dissolve. The wolf atop Yurimi ceased his mauling and cocked his head backwards to view the source of the devastating power. By the time itâs gaze locked with Keijiâs, the blade of his twin was already impaled through itâs head. The after image of Keiji then quickly faded from sight as he now stood crouched over the wolf, holding it up with the blade of his weapon. Keiji quickly withdrew his blade and now pointed it at the few wolves that managed to survive the shockwave. A twisted look of insanity found itâs home in Keijiâs supernatural violet eyes, as he slowly lowered his twin for combat. With insane, uncanny speed Keiji bolted around the room maiming all the remaining wolves; their bodies exploding into clouds of flesh and blood. Just as quick as he started, Keiji had finished. As he came to a quick hault reality itself had to catch up behind him, causing a ripple-like distortion in the air almost as if he had burned his way through time and space. He now stood over Yurimi, his glare of insanity now one of sentiment. He knelt down to pick her up and cradled her in his arms. Dawning a concerned frown and newly formed tears, his eyes and hair faded back to their original colors. With his last bit of strength Keiji set the rescue coordinates and in a flash of light they were teleported back to Pioneer 2.
***
I would like to keep this fan-fic updated at least every two days so that it stays fresh in both my mind and that of the reader's. So look forward to the next section in a couple days!
Finally, My PSO Fan-fic - Karasu Murder - 18-03-2005
Looking good thus far! I really like how you're using your descriptions; everything's very vivid and detailed, always a nice thing. I don't relaly have anything to say other than that lol. Great job though, I can't wait to read more
Finally, My PSO Fan-fic - Teh EkwEE - 18-03-2005
Yes, very good. Although I agree the sudden situation of the two is a bit strange. They just meet each other, and then go fighting. Her giggling at the begining right after her crying seems a little strange also. And his power getting introduced right at the begining is a little weird, I understand this story is going to be more about discovering who he is, rather than discovering where this power came from. I'm sure the power will tie into that, but it's not the main point.
I love your descriptions too. They are very rich and detailed, I can imagine exactly what's going on, and I can see it very clearly in my mind. Great stuff, keep up the good work, I want to know what happens.