23-11-2003, 10:23 AM
The story-line isn't bad it just needs a lot of filling out. Add some more adventure, action and possibly a bit more comedy. Oh, also try and lower the use of writing in the sentence 'Purplem RAmar' and put a note at the bottom of the page explaining who who is.
And anyway I couldn't write a story like that 3 years ago otherwise my English teacher wouldn't have been breathing down my neck constantly.
And anyway I couldn't write a story like that 3 years ago otherwise my English teacher wouldn't have been breathing down my neck constantly.
RAmarl-Ayane Lv88[Yasminkov 7000v+35] [Rukmin]
HUcaseal-BUFFY Lv45[Delsabers Buster+9 n shield] [Sato]
FOmarl-Elena lv21[hildebears cane] [Angel Wing]
RAcas-Neo1989 lv10[Justy 23ST+15] [Diwari]
Im back after a short reprive so beware
HUcaseal-BUFFY Lv45[Delsabers Buster+9 n shield] [Sato]
FOmarl-Elena lv21[hildebears cane] [Angel Wing]
RAcas-Neo1989 lv10[Justy 23ST+15] [Diwari]
Im back after a short reprive so beware

