20-02-2005, 06:50 PM
DarkMagician Wrote:A RHYMING EPITAPH!Yes, agreed. Excellent RobDeLaMorte's Final Epitaph For DarkMagician!
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Finished already?! I'm sorry, but I can't say this is good fanfiction. I'll review.
Firstly, I didn't understand your story. It's really confusing and you leave me with a million questions. I suggest a re-write, but only if you can be bothered.
The less serious:
Your spelling is not too bad, but remember to start a new line for each new speaker.
The more serious:
Plot:
You missed out the most important factor of good fanfiction. With a plot, your characters' actions will have more meaning.
Character development:
Your characters all appear to have the same unexplained personality.
Other:
The story should flow naturally and effortlessly, but it seems a bit artificial.
There is not enough tension, especially towards the end. You did not justify well DarkMagician's self-destruction.
You have too much purposeless dialogue which do not further the characterisations.
Please note that this post is not a flame. I attempted to give constructive criticism even though English was my weakest subject at school. I would not go out of my way that much to flame someone!
I would have voted "Poor... although I have NOT seen better. Do not be discouraged to try again".
True, you are much better at being a mage than writing fanfiction, but I still liked your fanfiction never-the-less because it was PSO-related.
| Mirinee | FOmarl | PURPLENUM | Green Robes | Level 190 | PSOBB Skyline 1 |

