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Ch.1 Conoli
From:
[email protected]
To:
[email protected]
How bad is it?
I've heard from the nets that Conoli has led his troops to Mol'qui. I've also heard that the riot is getting too hard to handle. You must get out of there before another masacre occurs. Please, you're like a daughter to me, come back as aoon as possible, I'll be waiting for you at the r-lab lobby.
Tesuni
From
[email protected]
To:
[email protected]
Re: How bad is it?
No can do, Tetsuni, I have a job to do. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. I'll let you know about everything thats going on when I get back. I'll meet you tomarrow in your office.
Danashigi
---------------
I'll post more of it when I have more time...
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"So Tetsuni still worries about you, eh?", asked Yugoru, teasing her.
"Why... you jealous that you have no one to care for you like I do?", replied Danashigi mildly.
"You care for me.. don't you...", replied Yugoru in a humorously sad voice.
"Well, I'd love to listen to you guys flirt... but we've got a job to do.", butted in Jerino.
"Jerino's right.", said Nekalu,"Let's get going."
They were standing just outside Conoli's campsite. So far no one had noticed that they were there. The campsite was probably a 1/2 mile radius round, however there were only two tents in the middle, making it harder to reach their enemy's leader unseen. On they went, Jerino leading the way. Never stopping for fear that they'd be seen. In what seemed a few seconds, they arrived to the first tent. From then on they would have to go into the open.
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âSo Nekalu, you ready to go?â, asked Yuguoru as he stopped to rest a bit.
âAre you sure that theyâll just let us waltz right in?, asked Nekalu shakily.
âWhat do you got to worry about Nekalu, youâre a FOnewearl. If someone gives you trouble, you can just blast them to bits!â, replied Yugoru humorisly.
âAre you guys just gonna stand there, or are you coming? We went and got an escort while you two were talking.â, snapped Jerino, who was a little agitated by now.
âYes sir!â, replied Yugoru sarcastically as he and Nekalu caught up with the rest of the group.
âAlrightâ, said Jerino, âConoli is letting us meet with him in his tent in an hour. Meanwhile we shall stick together and wait just outside his tent. Agreed?â
âYes, yes of courseâ, replied Nekalu, âBut what ARE we going to do, just stand here?â
âExactly thatâ, replied Danashigi, âWe dare not do anything else, for we may upset these people.â
So they waited there for what seemed like hours. Finally a FOnewm walked out of the tent and told them that Conoli would see them now.
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your story is interesting so far. But it seems heavily dialogue driven. That's good..but showing their thoughts and actions is important as well, because it helps us, the readers understand your lovely characters better ^^
![[Image: Untitled-1.png]](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v251/SilverFoxglove/Signatures%20and%20Avatars/Old%20Signatures/Untitled-1.png)
"You know you can't stop me but you continue to try all the same. That's whats so appealing about you..."
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True.. I like dialouge
... but yeah, I'm not very good at describing and thoughts and stuff like that, i shall try to add those things in, Thanks Karasu!
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No problem at all dude! It takes time and work, but in the end it pays off and makes the story better and more well-rounded.
"You know you can't stop me but you continue to try all the same. That's whats so appealing about you..."
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If you need help with descriptions, just PM me I can slide you some tips.
Good so far!
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I have updated this story, its on IL, I'll post it here tomarrow perhaps, but I haven't messed with this for awhile, I've been writing a book, in which I will post the first chapter here in about a week or two depending on when I get finished with it and if I can get on...
And thanks for the offer, Anti, but I don't know if I'm gonna finish this story past the measely 3 chapters I have.... *sigh* perhaps sometime in the future...
