Leader of the pack

[Kashima]

This thread goes out to all the people in the forums who would consider themselves leaders especially those of large groups. What does it mean to be a leader honestly ? Do you boss others around, look out for their best interests, try to lead them toward realistic and morally sound goals, or just try to teach them while learning all the time yourself ? As of late ive been wondering no better yet questioning myself and wether or not i have done my pack any justice. Mine is one that consists of maybe twenty people various ages but all older than me nontheless. For whatever reasons they look up to and choose to follow me. There are times when i understand this and times still yet when i dont, However it seems even with my help and influences unless i am constantly leading them by the hand they fail miserably at anything of real relevance. One cant make it to school consistently enough to graduate another has fallen in line with the ignorant masses allowing himself to be assimilated and perhaps the greatest hurt was one of my newest members someone who showed infinite promise and potential who willingly stabbed an ally and friend of ours in the back i just spoke with him this morning on the matter and had to leave before i was tempted to hurt him over the dishonor. So is it something im doing wrong ? Are the failing because of something inadequate within within myself am i somehow detrimental to those i would want to help? I find it strange that whenever i befriend someone and offer them my respect and admiration they find the quickest and most efficient path to shattering it. Its sad when in your own mind you no longer give others the benefit of the doubt but it seems to be the only way to keep from being constantly dissapointed when you set high goals for people and they fall so short of them. So please offer comments and advice hopefully this will stir some lively debate.

[Teh EkwEE]

To me being a leader doesn't necessarily mean leading a group. It's more about holding the others together. Some groups don't have a recognizable leader, while others you can tell right off. It's different for everyone.

[zero132132]

I think that one should not choose a friend just so that they can have someone to confide in. They should also be able to learn something from their friends. It can't merely be one-sided. Like the old saying goes, "Friends should have all things in common." You should not push your expectations onto a friend. They are an entirely different person and your/their success depends only on themselves. You are there to try to help/teach and to receive/learn from them. I personally do not lead my group of friends (we have no real leader as we are all self-sufficient). However I do lead multiple other groups who all look up to me. It is just something that you have to realize. You can only help, you can not make them succeed.

[Kashima]

Its depressing to see people who i believe to have more potential than myself constantly fail and stumble. I feel like i am a failure due to theirs im supposed to be looking out for them...

[zero132132]

Sure you are looking out for them. But in the end it is really up to them what will happen. My wrestling coach once gave us a quote, "It is not what you could be, but what you are that matters." I tend to remember this when dealing with people I have expectations for.

Edit: You should not base your success upon others. Remember that they are different people and that you are you alone.

[Kashima]

heh my mentor forsook me and didnt force me to live up to my potential even though i was willing its a cut that still bleeds deep and fresh i dont want to cause others such resentment towards me simply because i gave up on them.

[zero132132]

Again, they are them and you are you. If you are happy with yourself that is all that truly matters. There are people out there who are just unhappy naturally. There are others who have unhappiness forced upon them (societies modicum of happiness). Just be happy with who you are and try to help others if you can. Do not dwell on the results, only the process.

(i have to go I will see you all tomorrow.)

[Kashima]

if the results are not satisfactory then something is either wrong with the process or the one adminstering it wouldnt you agree ?

[Teh EkwEE]

Or perhaps your setting your standards too high? Potential, and what is are totally different things.

[Kashima]

they have the potential i know it, its just easier to take the cowards way out most of the time