I am currently working on a Fanfic. I thought it'd be nice if i submitted sections at a time and then people can give me feedback on what should happen next and so on. So here goes....
Kain dived underneath the Delsaber's heavy slash and ripped through its putrid dark flesh with the dim glow of his saber, turning it dust. Out of breath and bleeding Kain wondered how much longer the rank tunnels and caverns of these ruins could go on for. The stench of mould and static in the air was unbearable. He looked around, out of a shattered glass window he could see a vast illuminated citadel. For a moment he stopped and thought about what kind of evil could of decimated a ship this size. Regaining his breath he began to pace towards the next cold door, treading the remains of his enemies and broken glass alike into the ground.
The next room was the biggest he had seen yet. A pulsating mass of seemingly 'living' wall rose from the ground in front of him. An eerie silence echoed through the cavern. In his travels Kain had learnt that any empty room on ragol doesn't normally stay that way for very long. Raising his saber to his face Kain ran towards the forming pack of Claws. Each powerful slash cut them down one by one. From behind the spine chilling noise of a Deminian resonated. Kain turned just as a huge blade like claw struck his shoulder. He was knocked down and his sword arm was badly hurt. His mag hovered faithfully by his side but depleted of charge was unable to help. Kain himself did not have enough energy to heal himself in time for an escape. He would have to find another way to fight back.
Ok, so here comes the first decision. Does Kain live or die. If you want me to stop here, say die but please say why as i would like to improve my writing. Any ideas of opinions?
Kain should die...uhh...cause I said so! Hahahahah!!!
Just kidding... this is looking exceptionally good actually Kain! Keep it up! B.T.W, you might want to add some more characters... Also, a heroic death DOES make a great end to a story. JUST MAKE SURE IT'S YOUR LAST!
By the way...any chance of a crossover? Hmm? That is to say, my freshly revived DarkMagician puutting in an appearence in your fanfic. Any chance? Your call.
Sure Dark Magician. You want to be in it just send me some details about what you want to look/be like in the story in a PM. Sorry for the rest of you though, this is only for DarkMagician since he did me a favour
Well since i didn't get any messages about what should happen next i have decided to continue anyway, otherwise i will lose the flow of the story.
A drop of blood mixed with sweat trickled into Kain's mouth as he gazed up at the huge Dimenian in front of him. He prepared to take his final blow when out of the corner of his eye a shadow darted across the otherside of the room. He knew it was to swift and agile to be a beast. Then his thoughts were confirmed as a flash of lightning filled the room and the dimenians dropped like flies all around him. He leant on his blade for support and stood up to look his saviour in the eyes. In front of him loomed the imposing figure of a Force. His dark, pool like eyes almost drew attention away from his tall, slender body covered in billowing deep purple robes.
"You should be more careful next time, i wont always be around to save you".
Kain barely heard the Force's words as he drifted from pain into unconsciousness. The dark force caught Kain as he fell and conecerntrating hard, shifted them back onto pioneer 2 and the Force's home.
What Happens Next??! Give me some feedback and ideas please
Kain Wrote:Well since i didn't get any messages about what should happen next i have decided to continue anyway, otherwise i will lose the flow of the story.
A drop of blood mixed with sweat trickled into Kain's mouth as he gazed up at the huge Dimenian in front of him. He prepared to take his final blow when out of the corner of his eye a shadow darted across the otherside of the room. He knew it was to swift and agile to be a beast. Then his thoughts were confirmed as a flash of lightning filled the room and the dimenians dropped like flies all around him. He leant on his blade for support and stood up to look his saviour in the eyes. In front of him loomed the imposing figure of a Force. His dark, pool like eyes almost drew attention away from his tall, slender body covered in billowing deep purple robes.
"You should be more careful next time, i wont always be around to save you".
Kain barely heard the Force's words as he drifted from pain into unconsciousness. The dark force caught Kain as he fell and conecerntrating hard, shifted them back onto pioneer 2 and the Force's home.
What Happens Next??! Give me some feedback and ideas please
once you recover from your injuries but you dont know how you got back to pioneer the nurse tells you it was a mesterious force who had just left for gal da val so you decide to follow and properlly thank your rescuer
Nice idea! i like it! Lets see what someother people have got to say before i start writing the next part. I think i'll add a new section every day so you have 24 hours or so to contribute your ideas.
Kain Wrote:Ok, so here comes the first decision. Does Kain live or die. If you want me to stop here, say die but please say why as i would like to improve my writing. Any ideas of opinions?
I really want him to live! It was a REALLY good start to it. You are a great writter, Kain!
I hope you decide to write more of it.
Just gonna keep writing...
Kain's eyes painfully and slowly slid open to reveal a blurred white ceiling of the hospital room he was in. Regaining his focus he sat up in his bed and tested his body for injuries. The last thing he remembered was being knocked to the ground by a dimenian. Hopping out of bed he realised he was missing his mag. Desperately looking around the cramped, medicine enthused room he found a note from a nurse.
"Your possesions and mag are awaiting you at reception. There are a few papers you need to sign before leaving."
Kain ran out of the room and burst into the corridor almost knocking a nurse over. He skidded to a halt at reception and angrily grabbed his mag and items. The nurse nervously told him that it was necessary to take his equipment to perform the needed surgery. Kain slid the sleeve of his armour down to reveal a fresh scar on his right shoulder.
"It should cover up if you rest it" the nurse said.
Begining to relax and gather his thoughts Kain turned to remember how he got here. He last remembered he was in the ruins of Ragol yet now he was back on Pioneer 2.
"You're friend was very nice to you, it's a shame he left so soon. I am sure you would have liked to say thank you".
All to vividly Kain remembered the dark Force that had saved his life and now he knew, had dropped him here.
"Where did he go!" Kain exclaimed
"He said something about a job that he had to do on a island. Something about a lab maybe..?"
In that moment Kain knew he would seek out this mysterious force and discover who he was, but first he would have to gain entry to the Gal Da Va island teleporter in the lab, No small feat for a single hunter...
That was very good. I really like it a lot. Please write more soon.