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hakes hand :: i plan to start it back up tonite the sad thing is there is no excuse for my father hes just incredibly spiteful he claims to be so much more intelligent than everyone he comes across but he acts like a five year old with immense power its a sad day when your own mother has to tell you just be the bigger person and walk away like im the other parent talking to her about our child. If hes not going to be there to guide me and help me through life then why should i listen to him? For all intents and purposes i should be sitting him down and telling him about the benefits of education and smart decisions because im the most mature and paternal acting person in my household. Sometimes i just dont understand the nature of family structures
Well every family is dysfunctional in one way or the other. My personal experience is, when I lived at my old house, my two brothers and I shared a room. Any time any of my stuff got broken they wouldn't get in trouble, even if it it was on purpose. But when I accidently broke something of theirs I have to pay for it, total bull shit. My mom always went "Two wrongs don't make a right." and I'd be thinking "Like Hell it doesn't." cause if I said that out loud I'd get smacked across the face.
i figure i leave for college in june at the earliest assuming i meet the requirements for summer classes just have to stay my toungue and especially my hand until then
I dunno' a fist fight may be what you and your dad need to ease the tension in the family. That's what my brothers and I do. We some times beat the hell out of each other, or rather used to when we lived in our old house. 3 guys living in one room was hell, the only way to release our tension was to get in fights.
my father likes to play a role of frailty to avoid doing physical labor. Hes faked so many illnesses over the years that none of us are quite sure wether or not hes actually sickly or not . I refuse to engage him in a fist fight for three reasons. 1 if i were to hit him and he did have a heart attack that would be on my conscience should he die and then theres possible jail time. 2 for the most part i choose to ignore and forget things that weigh me down whos to say any and all pent up anger and dissapointment i have toward him that i may believe ive dealt with wont resurface? I control my body size and know how to do to much to risk fighting that man and accidently losing myself amidst the anger mid scuffle. 3 im better than him plain and simple i refuse to stoop to his level of ignorance at this point and time
Are your parents married? It sounds like your mom isn't too fond of him, and you definitly don't sound to like him much.
Well it would seem this is most certainly the month for suicidal ideations. In helping master of chaos through his crisis ive come to a few realizations about my own life and the many things within it i am not happy about but even more so that i cannot control. Ill post this here and now im not going to commit suicide nor is this in any way hinting at it. Like ive said on previous threads its goes against my moral codes to take ones own life it is the highest form of weakness one can show, and weakness has never been a luxury allowed to me. I think most people would find it odd how i call weakness a luxury most people resent themselves for being weak. While i have always resented others because i couldnt be. I said earlier that i was trained at a very young age not to focus to heavily on negative emotion. Made my parents job a lot easier when i didnt cry or get upset or throw tantrums even when i should have. Now its about ten years later and i have an inability to show most emotions in a normal and healthy way. On most days im crying inside yet i smile and laugh for the benefit of others . When im angry i feel afraid because i never know where this maelstrom of repressed emotions will lead me. I realize its wrong for one to bring about their own death. However is it really so bad for someone to want death to find them? Most would say in times of need fall back on friends and family. I HAVE FAMILY in the sense that i have multiple individuals that i share common blood and D.N.A. with however i dont have a family in the sense of people i am close to and trust. I live in a home made of emotional walls and i have completely walled in. I share no relation with mother father or sister i am an outcast within my family people generally make themselves feel better simply by spiting me despite the fact that i do my best to help them all whenever i can. I wonder does anyone know how it feels to live in a home where you cant laugh cry or show any semblance of human trait because to do so is to show weakness thus leaving yourself attacked from multiple angles. If something makes me happy in the eyes of my family it must be false or unclean if it makes me sad its something thats my own fault and done solely to make them look bad. Im curious as to where one can go when all they have is the vast recesses of their own thoughts. At this point this is nothing more than a rant as i try to relieve tension everyone can feel free to reply as they see fit or not
Kashima.... *frowns slightly* I'm sorry that you're going through all of this ungodly depression and stress, and as I've told you before, you don't deserve a drop of it. You spend so much time helping others, and rarely seem to be able to have time to enjoy your own life, do to your cicumstances. I'm not really sure what I can say, because I've been in a similair situation, and I know thee's nothing one really *can* say to just make it all better. All I can say is that I hope that things start looking up and possibly change soon for the better. When in a home situation like that though, I can see why it might be somewhat soothing (no matter how little) to rant, in the only way you can with the resources available.
In any case, I apologize if I rambled, but I sincerely hope that things start looking up, in some way soon. It's not right for all this stress to be on your shoulders....
DarkMagician here
Kashima, I DID warn you; being a friend of mine leads to naught but stress and despair.
Seriously. I will accept it if you have tired of me. I know you are prone to helping others a lot. You must not. Look after no-one but yourself, and maybe your friend Kit too.
I am the main reason Kashima is so tired out...he has worked hard trying to help me... fortunately, his work is finally at an end. I shall IM him my big news, and he will no doubt cheer up.
....unless I did already...
-DarkRob out-
I have to say when Im depressed I just let it runs its course, but lately I do tend to be depressed/fed up alot (Exams and whatnot coming up, being told repeatedly that Im probably going to fail...).
*sighs*
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