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Quote:Originally posted by Vahn RAmar
^^^ Er... Keri? Who the...

^Very true.

How is it? What could I do better. feed back please.

it needs more action because its to boring :o

THERE WE GO!

Heh, just wait, next chapter will be good, lots of action.

Lol
Did you forget to get drunk before writing it(No offence.)
It's comic in some parts.

-_- I'm 12. How would I get drunk?

*Looks at the beer next to him*
Just a question why do you always get them killed?

you're losing me.

The story-line isn't bad it just needs a lot of filling out. Add some more adventure, action and possibly a bit more comedy. Oh, also try and lower the use of writing in the sentence 'Purplem RAmar' and put a note at the bottom of the page explaining who who is.

And anyway I couldn't write a story like that 3 years ago otherwise my English teacher wouldn't have been breathing down my neck constantly.

WTFreak. You did not introduce me. That was an ok story. Too short. Make longer introductions of characters. INCLUDE me.

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X:lv 23:yellowboze:ramar:varista
T0n:lv7kyly:humar:daggers
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HEY TON! YOU FINNALLY JOINED!!! w00t w00t!!

Yup, I am finally in. I heard you mention my name in a few of these forums. What party?


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Character Stats:
TON:lv59:greennill:humar:yamato
X:lv 23:yellowboze:ramar:varista
T0n:lv7kyly:humar:daggers
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