I cant help but think it is my fault

[Double Edge]

Thanks, misterbud.

But sometimes, think, what would your friend want? I think he would want you to live a great successful life.

Ah. A very good point. Indeed, what would your friend want? Think - if he wanted you to live, as Todd said, a successful, great life, then do it. If you ask me, I doubt he would want you to grieve for him at all. But that's how these things work, the human process of grievance. It matters not whether you want to cry or not, you do it anyway.

Feel better man, and don't forget the whole board is behind you here.