Jokes Thread

[Legato2471]

Why did the kid fall off his bike?

Someone threw a fridge at him

[Zer0]

Hahaha... (laughter dies out) I dont get it... I mean i do but does it mean anything?

[Legato2471]

If someone threw a fridge at you while you were on a bike don't you think you would fall off?

Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets?

He didn't do it on purpose. Over time the natural friction of his keys wore down the innards of his pockets. Being bald on top of this is inconsequential.

[Forge]

A blind man walks into a bar, but because he was unaware of his surroundings, to draw humour from it would be mean.

What's white and swings through the jungle?
A fridge.

Why did the little girl fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms or legs.

(I loved that tractor joke, Talex...)

[jarl]

how do you fix a womans watch?


you dont, theres one on the microwave!




In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed
because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer
goods.

On a Myer hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's the only
time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details
inside. (the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that
would be how???....)

On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a
suggestion).


On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside
down."(well...duh, a bit late,huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but
wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: Do not drive a car or operate machinery
after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of
construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with
head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking
this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as
opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now,
somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Nobby's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about an american news flash!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat
nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one: On a child's
superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or
genitals." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

[Arrogantelf]

A warning i saw on a lighter a few years back...
Keep out of reach of children made in phillipines........?? :S

[TheUnnamedOne]

whats more fun than nailing a cat too a tree?

...


...


...


ripping it back off again

[Judgment]

A dwarf, a human and a elf walk into a bar. Well the dwarf actuly walks under it

LAUGH NOW OR DIE! *shoots laxatives at you*

[Forge]

Judgement, that I love...

And jarl, I kind of remember those quotes from an episode of Graham Norton I once watched...

[Mirinee]

there are 10 types of people in this world
those who can understand binary and those who can't...

Yep. Classic. I was going to post that.

Edit: BTW, "10" is "two" in binary.

Okay. Hallowe'en is on Christmas because Oct 31 is equal
to Dec 25.